Saturday, May 21, 2011

Echoes of Mercy, Whispers of Love...

I sat down and read the book, "Heaven is for Real," by Todd Burpo, today. I should have said I sat down and cried today, because as I read the book, I found myself weeping. Page after page, tears rolled down my cheeks, because of God's unfailing love and faithfulness.

There was a time period a year in a half ago that I really wanted to die. I have a Type A personality, and can be quite intense. During some of my scariest times, I wanted to be finished with this earthly life. In fact, I had lost all desire to live, and I was going in the wrong direction...but Jesus gave me the best Mom in the world, who could tell I saw no hope, no future, no desire to continue, and you know what she did? My mother steered me in the exact opposite direction. That's when I started running. Errr...that's when I started walking 0.5mph on the treadmill for 90 seconds. I went from feeling desperately hopeless to an incredibly hopeful!

I invite you to read the following excerpt from Todd Burpo's book that spoke to me:

"Daddy, remember when I yelled for you in the hospital when I waked up?"

How could I forget? It as the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. "Of course I do," I said.

"Well, the reason I was yelling was that Jesus came to get me. He said I had to go back because he was answering your prayer. That's how come I was yelling for you."

Suddenly, my knees felt weak underneath me. I flashed back to my prayers alone, raging at God, and my prayers in the waiting room, quiet and desperate. I remembered how scared I was, agonizing over whether Colton would hang on through the surgery, whether he'd live long enough for me to see his precious face again. Those were the longest, darkest ninety minutes of my life.

And Jesus answered my prayer? Personally? After I had yelled at God, chastising him, questioning his wisdom and his faithfulness?

Why would God even answer a prayer like that? And how did I deserve his mercy?

I love this about Christ; He never gives up on us, He never quits loving us, and even when we are hurting, scared, and lashing out, He still answers our prayers! God is faithful to me, whether or not I am faithful to Him. I can hardly begin to comprehend His love for you and I.

As of May 3, 1987, Jesus Christ has been in my heart. I was five, almost six years old and on the way to a piano recital when I made this decision.

I remember being very angry with God when I was nine years old. I told Him many times that I was angry, and He was not being a good God, and I did not want to believe in Him anymore. I contemplated suicide so many times that year. I had even planned what my note would say. I was pretty sure I would take a knife and chop my wrists off and hopefully die that way. (I never had the guts to do this, as I have always been terrified of doctors! Something could go wrong, then I would be in trouble.) There was quite a bit of rage within me. At times I would yell at God, and tell Him that I did not want to be a Christian, and I did not believe in His goodness; rather I felt hate, despair, and loneliness. God never once turned His back on me. He must've been answering the prayers of my parents and grandparents. :)

The following line resonates in my head, over and over, "And Jesus answered my prayer? Personally? After I had yelled at God, chastising him, questioning his wisdom and his faithfulness? Why would God even answer a prayer like that? And how did I deserve his mercy?"

Echoes of mercy, whispers of love... Jesus answered my prayers of anger, hurt, rage, despair, and loneliness, and in its place He has filled my heart with joy, peace, contentment, anticipation, and companionship.



On a much lighter note...I have not ran since the Nashville Marathon. In fact, I have had my left calf professionally massaged, I have iced my leg on a daily basis, and I have stayed off of my leg to allow it to heal. Today I went for a ten minute jog--this was extremely difficult. To keep myself to ten minutes and not a second longer, I ran with my hair down in 92F, 85% humidity. Another lovely spring day in Houston...I wish I could have ran ten miles today. I crave long runs, and I miss spending my afternoons/evenings on the pavement. My next race is the Chosen Half Marathon with my Daddy at whatever pace he wants to run.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

His Love Can Never Fail

This past week I have been blessed numerous times over. God has given me strength and joy throughout the week, as I have spent time reflecting on the past couple years. I want to share this hymn with you.

His Love Can Never Fail

I do not ask to see the way
My feet will have to tread;
But only that my soul may feed
Upon the living Bread.
'Tis better far that I should walk
By faith close to His side;
I may not know the way I go, but oh, I know my Guide.

His love can never fail, His love can never fail,
My soul is satisfied to know His love can never fail.
My soul is satisfied to know His love can never fail.

And if my feet would go astray,
They cannot, for I know
That Jesus guides my falt'ring steps,
As joyfully I go.
And though I may not see His face,
My faith is strong and clear,
That in each hour of sore distress
My Savior will be near.

His love can never fail, His love can never fail,
My soul is satisfied to know His love can never fail.
My soul is satisfied to know His love can never fail.

I will not fear, though darkness come
Abroad o'er all the land,
If I may only feel the touch
Of His own loving hand.
And though I tremble when I think
How weak I am, and frail,
My soul is satisfied to know
His love can never fail.

His love can never fail, His love can never fail,
My soul is satisfied to know His love can never fail.
My soul is satisfied to know His love can never fail.



Monday, May 16, 2011

How often in a day do you...

How often in a day do you think of God?

This is the question posed to us at the beginning of our sermon yesterday morning. For me to spend more time with God, see God more clearly, love God more dearly, and follow God more nearly, I must start thinking about him more than I currently do. Our pastor spoke of "God signs"--common things that you see, that remind you to think of God. I would like to come up with a God sign for myself. I have yet to choose one, ideas given from others were--red cars, birds, butterflies... Do you have a God sign? If so, what is it? Please suggest a God sign for me! I love ideas!

I was convicted by the words of both anthems sang at church, therefore, I wrote them down.

I believe in love, even when feeling it not.
I believe in God, even when God is silent.
I believe.

Feelings drive behaviour and there are times when I don't feel love, but I know God is still there. It is in those times, that I learn to push aside feelings and believe--rely on faith, a relationship of obedience, rooted in love, to Godhead.

O, pray for the peace of Jerusalem
They shall prosper that love Thee
Peace be within Thy walls
And plenteousness within Thy palaces.

Deuteronomy means second telling. We studied a portion of Deuteronomy 8 today, where we are commanded to remember God and and keep with his commandments, ordinances, and statutes. This must be important, as God tells us more than once to remember Him.

We each choose how we carry on our daily tasks, although we are asked to bring Christ into what we are doing. While I run, I like to pray, talk about things I've learned at church/bible study with others, memorize scripture, sing hymns, and take time to listen to Him. We are told to keep God alive in all we do. How do you bring Christ into what you're doing? How does remembering God positively impact the way you live your life?

One of my closest girlfriends from college told me one day, I study to worship Christ. This has stuck with ever since that day. She understood how to praise God from whom all blessings flow! I want to be more like her. I want to teach high school math to worship Christ. I want to run to worship Christ. I want to cook and clean to worship Christ. I want to be more like Jesus and think about my Father... How often in a day do you think about Godhead--God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit?



Angela Yingling playing the Doxology

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Revisiting my personal 30 before 30

24 December 2011 I posted my personal 30 before 30. 30 things I desire to do, before I turn 30. I struggle, as I look at the list, and realize how few of my goals will become reality. I essentially have 3 months to "complete" my goals. In bold italics I will state which goals are completed or are in the process of completing.

3 months out, this is where I stand...

  1. BQ--Qualify for the Boston Marathon (Hurt my leg 2 weeks before my race, was not able to run as trained.)
  2. PR--By qualifying for Boston, I will make a personal record (Hurt my leg 2 weeks before my race, was not able to run as trained.)
  3. Continue having fun running
  4. Run a 3:30 marathon--8:00 min/mi pace (Hurt my leg 2 weeks before my race, was not able to run as trained.)
  5. Consistently weigh my ideal weight--more often than not, still working on this
  6. Eat proper and healthy--more often than not, still working on this
  7. Enjoy continued good health
  8. Be a better bump skier
  9. Learn to pole plant and use my poles when I ski
  10. Have a group of girls who love me enough to tell me when I'm outta line...I desire an accountability group, a core group
  11. Disciple a young woman
  12. Share Christ with someone
  13. Find a good community in H-town--this takes time and I am in the process
  14. Be more involved with local missions
  15. Go on another short term mission trip
  16. Be a better math teacher--I am trying new ideas and continuously learning new ways to teach each individual student.
  17. Be a better cook
  18. Play more cribbage
  19. Save $8,000 (ideally $10,000, but once I put money in my IRA, I don't think this is going to be possible)
  20. See my Grandma and extended family on Mom's side
  21. Spend time with my Grandparents and extended family on Dad's side
  22. Be a better daughter to my parents
  23. Be a better sister to my brother
  24. Be a fabulous sister to my new sister, Molly, Levi's fiance
  25. Be a better friend
  26. Be in a dating relationship
  27. Spend more time with God
  28. See God more clearly
  29. Love God more dearly
  30. Follow God more nearly
Wow, looking at this list, I have a lot of work to do! Especially 27-30. I need encouragement and accountability, and if you look at 10 and 13, I am still in search of this. There you have my revisitation of personal goals.