Another week gone by...

Last Tuesday: The nurse called with very non-conclusive results concerning the I-123 mIBG scan. We are still praying for a clear diagnosis. Please also pray that experienced eyes look at the scans.

Wednesday: I went to the doctor and had more blood work. I have a nice bruise now.

I spend a lot of time with my Mom. These are a couple pictures of us in our favourite spots (the doctor--hahah!) these days. Notice the binder Mom is holding--that's all my blood work, scans, etc. since 1 Sept 2009! It is important to keep very good records in trying to find a diagnosis!



A typical yummy lunch! Tomatoes, carrots, cucumbers, avocado, Wasa, and Laughing Cow!



Boo! My friend, Sara, brought me a special surprise! My favourite cookie, from the bakery! :)

What is the goal of love?

I was discussing the following quote, with a friend of mine.

"A Father's love crucifies.
A loving son lets himself be crucified.
Crucified love means you cannot be equal."

Otets i syn aka "Father and Son" (2003)

The third part of this statement bothers me; I do not believe that the goal of love is equality.

Random information: mIBG scan is short for metaiodobenzylguanidine scan

Weekly Update

I figured I would give a weekly update and tell you all about my super fun scans!

• Monday: I took the Iodine drops (3x/day) and the laxative, and was sure to eat lightly.
• Tuesday: I continued the Iodine drops and the laxative. At 2PM I went to South TX Radiology in the Christus Santa Rosa building and was injected intravenously with a radiopharmaceutical (radioactive tracer) . I didn't even cry! I must be getting used to all these needles...ha!
• Wednesday: I continued the Iodine drops (3x/day) and the laxative. At 2PM I went to South TX Radiology in the Christus Santa Rosa building and was scanned PLANAR (head to toe) and SPECT (around the abdomen). When scanning me, my toes were rubber banded, to keep my hips straight, and my arms were placed in a big fabric tube, to keep them at their side. The first time a mistake was made, so I was rescanned. The entire process took about 2 1/2 hours.
• Thursday: I continued the Iodine drops (3x/day) and the laxative. At 2PM I went to South TX Radiology in the Christus Santa Rosa building and was scanned PLANAR (head to toe) and SPECT (around the abdomen). No mistakes made and this took 1.5 hours. The hardest part was laying still for such a long time! This is much easier than the MRI and required NO IV, NO holding of the breath, and NO time being stuck inside of a huge machine.
• Friday: I continued the Iodine drops (3x/day). Since, I was feeling pretty good, I went golfing with my Dad!
• Saturday: I continued the Iodine drops (3x/day). I went with my Mom and friend, Sara, to serve lunch at Habitat for Humanity (HFH)!
• Sunday: I continued the Iodine drops (3x/day). This is my last day!
  
  At church, during the sermon, something was said that stuck out to me. The quote had to do with dying. "You cannot say, 'Here I am God, now take Fred.'" How do you think Fred feels about that? Does Fred want to be voluntarily offered instead of you?
  
  When you offer yourself to God, you cannot say, "Here I am God, now take (someone else)." Offering yourself, means you have offered what is yours to give; your body, your life, your career, etc. I offered myself to Gods service. I did not offer "Fred's."
  

As far as the I-123 MIBG scans are concerned, the radiologist should be reading them either Friday or Monday, so I should have results this week! Please pray for a clear diagnosis!

Health Update

On Wednesday afternoon I went to the family doctor. We discussed the next steps. My blood pressure was amazing--118/72, this is unheard of at the doctor!

The first thing Dr. Senger (my family doctor) asked was, "What did the endocrinologist say? I know what my notes say, but I want to know your take." My Mom, my doctor, and I discussed what was said, and then my doctor suggested two different scans. He then went and called a radiologist to confirm which of the two exams would give more conclusive results. The three of us decided that the I-123 MIBG scan should be the next step.

I was positively impressed by a few things Dr. Senger said:

• "I believe you and I do not think you are making up these symptoms and problems." Reassurance is a plus! (For the most part, usually, I look pretty normal on the outside, but the endocrines are not happy!)
• "As much as you want this scan (I-123 MIBG scan) to show something, you wish none of this were going on and it was nothing." We are praying for a clear diagnosis.
  
• As Dr Senger was leaving the room he said, "the mystery continues!" This made me laugh!
  

Today, I was able to go down to Christus Santa Rosa and check out the scanning machine and ask questions about the process. The technicians that will be doing my scans next week are fabulous--very friendly and helpful! I was able to ask any questions that I might have, and then they let me practice the scan!

I laid down in the bed and they moved the bed up, the camera around my body, and then moved the camera down inches from my head, like they will be doing on Wednesday and Thursday of next week. I am much more at ease! It's not a big mystery anymore!

The I-123 MIBG Scan is a multi-day event.

• Monday--Start taking Iodine drops, 3/day, start taking a laxative
• Tuesday--Continue the Iodine drops 3/day, continue the laxative, go into the appt to receive a tracer (radiopharmaceutical) that will be injected into my vein
• Wednesday--Continue the Iodine drops and laxative, go into the appt to receive an hour to an hour in a half of scans
• Thursday--Continue the Iodine drops and laxative, go into the appt to receive thirty minutes of scans
• Friday--Continue the Iodine drops
• Saturday--Continue the Iodine drops
• Sunday--Continue the Iodine drops

Please pray for a clear diagnosis.

Happy Birthday, Levi!

My brother celebrated his 26th birthday yesterday, and I was here to celebrate with the family! I want to share some of the highlights of this special day.

• My friend Molly prayed over me and with me.
  
• My brother wore this super cool shirt I bought for him (about 5 years ago) for absolutely no reason, other than I love him. It says "You're handsome." You can read it in the mirror.
  

• My family ate dinner together (Levi's choice, of course!)--Salmon with orange sauce, green beans, wild rice, hot apple cider, and cinnamon rolls and sticky buns for dessert. He opted out on the cake. And to complete the meal, we ate off of the china, used the silver, and the linen napkins! Yay!
• My brother apparently isn't the only person to receive cards on his birthday, I received a birthday card too. I love my Dad--he's so funny!

• Levi's not the only person to receive presents on his birthday. I received a birthday present on his birthday too. I've been golfing with Dad recently--and instead of using Men's RH clubs, I now have Ladies LH clubs! :) So, Happy Birthday, Faith, too!
  

Limbo

When you're little, it's fun to play Limbo. In fact, I played Limbo with my cousins this summer! :) At 28, it's not so much fun when your life feels in limbo, although there is an exciting element of not knowing what the future holds! What great things will Jesus Christ be doing in and through my life?

"The pain you feel in your heart over the desires God has put in you [them being yet unfulfilled] is your gift from Him, because it causes you to wrestle with Him for the fulfillment of those desires." --Corey Russell

The first thing a Christian should do about anything is pray.

"If we were really convinced that prayer often changes the way God acts, and that God does bring about remarkable changes in the world in response to prayer (as Scripture repeatedly teaches that He does), then we would pray much more than we do. If we pray little, it is probably because we do not really believe that prayer accomplishes much at all." --Wayne Grudem

John 15:16--I have been appointed and chosen to bear fruit
Romans 8:28--I am assured that all things work together for good
Ephesians 2:18--I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit
Hebrews 4:16--I can find grace and mercy in time of need

What unfulfilled desires has God placed in your heart? How are you wrestling with those unfulfilled desires?

As I wrestle with unfulfilled desires and pains in my heart, I need to go to Him in prayer--convinced and believing that He will bring about remarkable changes. God is Good!

Motivation to Succeed!

Below is an email my mother shared with me.

There is a Chinese story of a farmer who used an old horse to till his fields. One day, the horse escaped into the hills and when the farmer's neighbors sympathized with the old man over his bad luck, the farmer replied, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?"

A week later, the horse returned with a herd of horses from the hills and this time the neighbors congratulated the farmer on his good luck. His reply was, "Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?"

Then, when the farmer's son was attempting to tame one of the wild horses, he fell off its back and broke his leg. Everyone thought this very bad luck. Not the farmer, whose only reaction was, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?"

Some weeks later, the army marched into the village and conscripted every able-bodied youth they found there. When they saw the farmer's son with his broken leg, they let him off. Now was that good luck or bad luck? Who knows?

Everything that seems on the surface to be an evil may be a good in disguise. And everything that seems good on the surface may really be an evil. So we are wise when we leave it to God to decide what is good fortune and what misfortune, and thank him that all things turn out for good with those who love him.

By Anthony de Mello - Sadhana

Even a mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary to a worthwhile achievement. - Henry Ford

Why do we feel we need to direct everything, judge everything, make all the decisions, and evaluate every consequence to insure the "proper" outcome? Why can't we realize that we don't have the perspective, the overall view, the wisdom to really know whether a consequence is good or bad? We can't know what God knows. We can't determine what is really best, but God can.

Isn't it time that we understood the truth and let God have control over our life?
When we pray doesn't it make more sense to tell God of our concerns, let Him hear our prayers of praise and our confessions, and then pray as Christ taught us---"Father, not my will but thine."

What can Christians learn in a bar?

I've been reading a book by Benjamin Donley called "The Christian Manifesto? Confessions and Criticisms from a Revolutionary in Training." One of the 95 Manifestos is called Insider. I want to share parts of it with you.

Here is what I have noticed about life in the bar:

• A lot of lonely people hang out in bars.
  
• Most lonely people want to talk to someone.
  
• A good bartender meets both the customers' need for drink and conversation. Good bartenders know their regulars by name, thus making them feel special. They remember some specifics about their regulars lives, pour them 'their' drink and let the lonely customers catch them up. If the patron is new, the bartender will slowly get to know them.
• An excellent bartender will not only converse with their customers, but will link them up with the other 'lonlies' around the bar. Almost with a magical touch, excellent bartenders can include 3 to 5 to even 7 persons in a conversation and then step away as the group takes it from there and into a kind of friendship.
  
• The lonely people at the bar become a kind of community--a sort of small group with the bartender as mediator. They are happy to see each other upon arrival. They share with each other about their struggles and as they drink, they often tell of some deep scars and flaws. It is like confession.
  
• This community, as it loosens up with alcohol, usually is not careful about obeying the rules of personal space. Pats on the back, bear hugs, hook-ups and sometimes even fists to the face happen on a weekly basis depending on the patrons. Whatever form it takes, personal touch occurs more often than in the regular world.
  
• Many of these lonely people leave the bar late after remaining for hours and they feel much less lonely. The have been loved in a strange sort of way. They have been listened to. They have even listened with care to another person who is like them in some way. They do feel good as a result of the alcohol, but also as a result of being acknowledged in a deeper way than they are used to. They have been with a group who knows them by name and who misses them when they are absent.
  
• The bar sometimes does a better job pulling off the mission of the church than the church actually does.
  

People should be leaving the church every week

• Spirit drunk--Under the influence of God's best brew and feeling the love, joy, and freedom that comes with it. AND
• Cheers connected--Part of a community where everybody knows their name, knows their struggles, and cares about what they have to say.
  

Who passed Spiritual Prohibition Laws in the Sanctuary? When was the last time someone got a DUIJ on the way home from Sunday school? Is personal touch outlawed at church?

Encouragement

Encouragement doesn't happen automatically. It's something we seek, especially when we are downtrodden and at our lowest points. I am blessed with an incredible family and amazing friends. I cannot believe how much people love and care for me. For example, one of my friends sent me a text the morning of the MRI to let me know he was praying for me--when people say they'll pray that's taking special action. To let me know that you still remember and are praying that morning/the day of is meaningful!

On Saturday, some of my friends came over for homemade pizza and a football game. I had been really down all day long, being around people that love and care for me was a blessing and encouragement!

Below I am going to share part of a conversation I had on Skype with a friend of mine.

Trust in the Lord he will help you, read and remember this scripture, 1 Peter: 5.6- 7

^{1 Peter 5:6-7}Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

His hand is stronger and it removes the sick and the pain, lay down on Him and He will do the miracle for you. Amen

Always have confidence in the lord and trust in Him; He will cure the illness. I have seen Jesus do lots of miracles. God promises us, His people, in Isaiah 43: 3-5, that he will be with us in any situation we encounter. He is with you, Faith. He is more then willing to rescue you from your sickness. Amen

^{Isaiah 43:3-5}For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I give Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in exchange for you.
Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
peoples in exchange for your life.
Fear not, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east,
and from the west I will gather you.

We will keep you in our prayers, always trusting God.

Last night I also had the opportunity to spend a couple hours in prayer with one of my really close friends. This time was healing and meaningful. I look forward to spending the time in prayer with my friend again.

Happy 50th Birthday, Mom!

To celebrate my Mom's 50th birthday, we have done the following together:

• Went to the lab to bring in my 24-hour urine sample.
• Cried together. I was crying, due to stress of bloodwork, a man in the waiting room went up front and asked for Kleenex, he then gave me the box--this made Mom cry, the fact that somebody noticed and cared for me. See random people can be the hands of God!
  
• Drew four more tubes of blood. The lab rejected the last ones and these are being sent to a different lab.
• Went to the allergist, so Mom could get her allergy shot.
  
• Went to Costco to buy cool stuff!
  
• Skyped and Skyped via a conference call

Happy Birthday, Mom! :)

Visit from TMS

Psalm 86

A prayer of David.

¹ Hear, O LORD, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.

² Guard my life, for I am devoted to you.
You are my God; save your servant
who trusts in you.

³ Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for I call to you all day long.

⁴ Bring joy to your servant,
for to you, O Lord,
I lift up my soul.

⁵ You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you.

⁶ Hear my prayer, O LORD;
listen to my cry for mercy.

⁷ In the day of my trouble I will call to you,
for you will answer me.

⁸ Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord;
no deeds can compare with yours.

⁹ All the nations you have made
will come and worship before you, O Lord;
they will bring glory to your name.

¹⁰ For you are great and do marvelous deeds;
you alone are God.

¹¹ Teach me your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.

¹² I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.

¹³ For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.

¹⁴ The arrogant are attacking me, O God;
a band of ruthless men seeks my life—
men without regard for you.

¹⁵ But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

¹⁶ Turn to me and have mercy on me;
grant your strength to your servant
and save the son of your maidservant.

¹⁷ Give me a sign of your goodness,
that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me.

I am blessed to be surrounded by people that love and care for me. Lauren and Jo Ann Helveston, from The Mission Society, my sending agency, came to visit me, to see how I was doing, and to debrief with me, since I had to leave Ukraine so suddenly and quickly.

During our time together, we read Psalm 86 and prayed.

Endocrinologist

Yesterday morning I went to the Endocrinologist. An Endocrinologist is a doctor who specializes in the endocrine system. The thyroid gland is part of that system, which also includes the neuroendocrine glands of the pancreas, the parathyroids, pituitary gland, ovaries, and the adrenal glands.

Before I left for Ukraine, my bloodwork tested as slightly hyperthyroid. In recent bloodworks, my thyroid has tested normal, although other things have tested out of whack! When my family doctor ordered a catecholamines test (you pee in a jug for 24 hours, and then you also have bloodwork done) the amount of epinephrine in my system turned out to be extremely high!

Due to the possible hyperthyroid, and now the high epinephrine amounts, I was sent to the endocrinologist. (I also had the MRI done on my abdominal region because of the high epinephrine amounts.) The endocrinologist ordered more bloodwork and another catecholamines test.

This is a picture of the "pee hat", my jug, and a regular sterile pee cup. I thought the "pee hat" was exciting, because it would make urinating in the jug much easier. The "pee hat" sits on the toilet, under the seat, you do your business, when you are finished, you pour, and you're done, rather than hover and aim.

Just to show some size perspective.

MRI done and over

I was able to go into the radiology center and have the MRI done at 8:15AM, as opposed to 3PM, which meant I could eat and drink by 10:00AM! This was a huge blessing! I had been nauseous most of the night, and wide awake, therefore, when I woke up, I did not eat or drink.

The process itself was okay. I found out that I am not claustrophobic. The technologist let me go in feet first, which was nice. He said it would take more time, but it could be arranged. I layed down on a bed, and as my brother said, I would be entering the donut.

The technician put a pillow under my knees and head. The nurse came in and put an IV in. I had a big thing placed over my stomach and it was clasped down, not tightly though, and then they put a blanket on me so I wouldn't be cold. The IV arm stayed down, the non IV arm went above my head and I got to hold my Mom's hand.

The machine made noise, and was scary, but the only hard part was holding my breath over and over! Every time I held my breath, I closed my eyes and started counting, pretending I was finishing running a race. I did this, what felt like 200 times. The ear plugs helped, I guess. I had to lay very still. The last four minutes, they put this warm dye in my system and did more images, same thing, hold your breath, then after counting for 45-60 seconds I could breathe again.

At the end the bed moved all the way out, and then the lab technician took out the IV. I put on my shoes and walked outside. Lots of tears of relief, thank God that part was over!

I just got a phone call from one of the labs, the bloodwork was lost and has to be redrawn. Oh joy! One time the lab lost my urine sample too! You really would think I liked doctors! Too bad I am terrified of medical stuff!

Thanks for all the love and prayers!

This is what my MRI machine looked like--made by Siemens.